The Blue Board

Gfortress posted this one a few months ago. Every time I think about it, I laugh out loud.

You know half of the homosexuals out there were born like that? The other half were just sucked into it.

Couple of Jack Handy quotes, they always make me chuckle

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did."

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."

"If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting."

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."

Old Italian man with three sons... Mario, Luigi, and Frank are all sitting down eating diner. During the meal, the father strikes up a conversation with his three sons, starting with Mario.

"Hey Mario, whatsa u favorite dish?"

Mario says, "Well Papa, I like-a nice plate of pasta... with a nice-a salad, and some wine... you know, just like-a momma use-to-a-make"

Dad says, "That's a good boy Mario, that's a good boy". Then he asks Luigi the same question..

"Hey Luigi, whatsa u favorite dish?"

Luigi says, "Well Papa, I like-a nice plat of lasagna... with a nice-a salad, and some wine... you know, just like-a momma use-to-a-make"

Dad says, "That's a good boy Luigi, that's a good boy". Finally he asks he third son Frank the same question...

"Hey Frank, whatsa u favorite dish?"

Frank says, "Well Papa, I like-a a big fat pu$$y"

Dad looks at Frank with a surprised look and says, "Pu$$y?!?... That taste-a like shiiit"

Frank then responds, "Papa, that's because you take-a too big of a Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite!"