The Blue Board

When I started finding all my presents. It was like a treasure hunt every year. I always found the treasure.

Only every day until Christmas. I don't really know why though. I always knew what I was getting. I guess it was the rush.

Win by that guy

I found out about Santa and the Easter Bunny at the same time when I was really young.

My A-hole Dad broke the news about Santa and then I said something about the Easter Bunny and this is exactly what he said.. "Matt, do you really believe there's a Giant Bunny Rabit hopping around door to door hiding Eggs for you to find?" (In a smart-ass tone of voice).

All I remember was crying and I yelled at my Dad and said "You ruined my Childhood!!"

True Story

The Massacre of Saint Nick,

Alright, I will start. So we were all on the playground on December 15, 1998. Somebody asked me what I wanted from Santa and I said a PS1. Some older kid came up and shoved the other kid down and gladly pronounced that Santa Claus wasn't real. The other kid started crying and ran away and told the teacher, but I was pissed. I quickly called the other kid stupid and shoved the 4th grader. Some of his friends came over and started laughing at me because I was seething with anger. I mean the guy did just say Santa wasn't real. Two of my friends came over, and we were ready for war. 3 2nd graders and 5 4th graders... we were like Spartans, cornered into the back corner of the playground, which was down a steep hill, and the teachers couldn't see us. We knew we were going to get our asses kicked, but it was for St. Nick, our Lord and Savior.

I combo punched the kid who started it in the balls and kicked another in the shin before I was over come by 4th grade brute strength. From there, I was stomped, punched and beat until a teacher blew the whistle to go inside. I looked up, my friends lay motionless on the ground in the fetal position, like myself... None of us could make it back to class, so we thought we were going to die. Just then, an angel appeared, Miss. Griffith, the first teacher I had a crush on. She helped us to the nurse's office and grabbed my tooth that I lost. She gave us all suckers and hugs... she was the best.

Anyway, my mom comes over from the HS because she wasn't teaching in 6th period to see what happened. I told her and she looked at me, an I will never forget this, she looked at me like she was about to ruin my world. She did JUST THAT. She told me that she and my father were St. Nick and that I basically got my ass kicked for nothing. I immediately walked to the car and sat in it for the rest of the day. My mom had just ended my childhood.

I'm Jewish

Why? I couldn't care less about holidays. They mean nothing to me except New Years since I like to drink and watch football.

Santa's not reelz?

You must live a miserable life if you don't enjoy the holidays, family, food, gifts and life-long memories.

Cynical much??

cold blooded

I either never believed or got told at such an early age that I don't even remember, my mother is a cold bitch who "ain't got time for that". I do remember telling my sister who lived with my dad...she took it pretty rough and he was pissed. My Christmas' went like this, all presents were kept at her friends houses because she knew I would destroy the house looking for them. On Christmas morning I would awake to a game of 'hot or cold' because instead of taking the 15min to wrap my shit she would just hide all my stuff around the house. I'm 23 now and have come to the conclusion that I'm the mirror image of my mother and that we're just awful human beings...but I loathed that woman the vast majority of my childhood.